What happens when you put everything-in-its-place person and where-ever-it-drops person in the same house or office?

This is the stress of major battles or the stress that causes the quiet eating away of your body. The yelling may use up some of that adrenaline. The silent fuming just speeds up your aging process.

Do I advocate yelling? No, but I do advise at least talking about it. I am a place for everything and everything in its place person. My husband is a where ever it lands person. It just doesn’t bother him to be in the midst of mess. While this is a helpful attitude when I am busy and unable to get the house cleaned up, for the most part it is just a source of aggravation (stress) to me.

After 24 years, I am the one who has adapted. He has one corner in the bedroom that he keeps his way and I ignore. As I go through the house picking up after my family, I simply put their stuff in their space. This requires that I move their stuff from my desk, the kitchen counter and the living room floor. But, I do not put their stuff away in their space, I just plop it on the bed or in the corner.

You may think that I should have many years ago put my foot down and demanded that they do things my way. Perhaps, who is to say that it might have worked. Do they ever help in the housework - yes indeed. I do the cooking and my husband cleans the kitchen one night a week. My daughter clears the dishes after supper most every night. She is responsible for her own room and her bathroom. I have learned to ignore both those rooms. The older she gets, the more consistent she is in keeping them clean and neat.

When does this clash of personal habits become stressful to me — when I have long hours at my job and morning comes and I go to the kitchen to make coffee and no one did the dishes. Then I become very vocal. We have a dishwasher for heaven’s sake.

Understanding that everyone is different does not really help. What puts the whole thing into perspective for me is to try and see things as they do. Who wants someone constantly nagging at them to do something they don’t care about.

As much as I like everything in my house to be just so - it rarely occurs to me to wash my car. The inside is clean, but the outside is a mess. Try parking under a tree everyday. My husband used to gripe at me to get it washed. Now, when it really bothers him, he takes it to the car wash.

Please share how you do in this area. How do you cope with living with a person whose habits are different that yours? Is your stress level high or have you learned to adapt?

Sharon

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