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In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two
of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the
questions right they are free to leave.
This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were
called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were
told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and
motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning. When Patty
came into the office she was instructed to sit in the seat across
from the doctor.
"Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you
know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if
you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all
that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin.
Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her.
The first question was this. "Patty, if I was to poke out one of
your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course,
" Patty answered without much thought.� "What would happen if
I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said
Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor
then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and
accessed Mike's files.
When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike
what the questions would be and what the correct answers were.
The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that
he had with Patty.
"Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your
ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what
he had been told. This received a perplexed look from the doctor
but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure
out what the man was thinking.
"Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?"� "I would
be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew
he had passed.
But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he
said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."
Managed Friendship Plan
Welcome to Managed Friendship, a whole new way of thinking
about friends and relationships. The Managed Friendship Plan
(MFP) combines all the advantages of a traditional friendship
network with important cost-saving features.
How Does It Work?
Under the Plan, you choose your friends from a network of
pre-screened accredited Friendship Providers (FPs). All your
friendship needs are met by members of your Managed Friendship
Staff.
What's Wrong with my Current Friends?
If you're like most people, you are receiving friendship
services from a network of providers haphazardly patched
together from your old neighborhoods, jobs, and schools. The
result is often costly duplication, inefficiency, and conflict.
Many of your current friends may not meet national standards,
responding to your needs with inappropriate, outmoded,or even
experimental acts of friendship. Under Managed Friendship, your
friendship needs are coordinated by your designated Best
Friend, who will ensure the quality and goodness of fit of all
your friendly relationships.
How Do I Know That the Plan's Panel of Friends Is Not Made Up
of a Bunch of Losers Who Can't Make Friends on Their Own?
Many of today's most dedicated and highly trained Friendship
Providers are as concerned as we are about delivering Quality
Friendship in a cost-effective manner. They have joined our
network because they want to focus on acting like a friend
rather than doing the paperwork and paying the high
bad-friendship premiums that have caused the cost of
traditional friendship to skyrocket. Our Friendship Providers
have met our rigorous standards of companionship and loyalty.
What If I Need a Special Friend, Say, for Poker or Fishing?
Special Friends are responsible for most of the unnecessary and
expensive activities that burden already costly relationships.
Under the Managed Friendship Plan, your Best Friend is
qualified to pre-approve your referral to a Special Friend
within the Managed Friendship Network should your needs fall
outside of the scope of his/her friendship.
Suppose I Want to See Friends Outside the Managed Friendship
Network?
You may make friends outside of the Managed Friendship Network
only in the event of a Friendship Emergency.
What is a Friendship Emergency?
The Managed Friendship Plan covers your friendship needs 24
hours a day, 365 days a year, even if you need a friend out of
town, after regular business hours, or when your Best Friend is
with someone else. You might be on a business trip, for
instance, and suddenly find that you feel lonely. In such
cases, you may make a New Friend, and all approved friendly
activities will be covered under the Plan, provided you notify
the Managed Friendship Office (or 24-hour Friendship Hotline)
within two business days.
What Friendly Activities Are Covered Under the Plan?
Friendly Activities that are typically covered include: *
Agreeing with you * Appearing sympathetic * Chewing the fat *
Dropping by * Feeling your pain * Gossiping * Hanging out *
Holding your hand (up to 5 minutes per activity)* * Joshing *
Kidding around * Listening to you whine * Partying * Passing
the time * Patting your back * Ribbing * Sharing a meal *
Shooting the breeze * Slinging the bull * Teasing (up to 15
minutes under the Premium Gold Friendship Plan)
What Friendly Activities Are Not Covered Under the Plan?
Activities that would not be pre-approved include (but are not
limited to): * Bar hopping * Bending over backwards * Drinking
to excess * Giving a hoot * Going the extra mile * Lending
money * Real empathy * Truly caring * Using illicit drugs
How Can I Find Out More About the Managed Friendship Plan?
A simple call is all it takes. If you need a friend, just call
our toll-free number. Or visit our web site. Sign up for the
Managed Friendship Plan and rest easier that all of your
appropriate friendship needs will be met.
Who Decides What's Appropriate for Me? We do. Isn't that what
friends are for?
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